Month: July 2025

📜 By Quill & Candlelight – The Dispatches of Colonel Shufflebottom on the Matter of Colonial Nonsense

🗓️ July 31st, 1775 — Maryland, regrettably entrepreneurial

Today, the Province of Maryland—never one to miss a chance for fiscal flamboyance—has begun printing its own currency! I held one such note in my hand. It promised value, liberty, and a vague sense of optimism. Much like a tavern menu written in Latin.

The bills feature allegorical scenes of Britannia, Liberty, and what I believe to be King George III attempting arson. It’s unclear whether this is symbolic or simply a critique of his domestic skills. Either way, the artistry is bold, the ink is damp, and the economic implications are somewhere between ‘ambitious’ and ‘adorably delusional.’

I am told the currency is backed by gunpowder and good intentions. Which is to say, it is backed by neither gold nor logic. Franklin would approve—he once tried to electrify a turkey. Now the colonies electrify commerce with leaf-printed parchment and revolutionary enthusiasm.

I weep for the pound.

Ever skeptical of fiscal improvisation,
Colonel Archibald Shufflebottom, 47th Regiment of Foot
Defender of Empire, Critic of Colonial Coinage & Illustrated Insolence

#ThisDayInHistory #250Years #AmericanRevolution

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📜 By Quill & Candlelight : The Dispatches of Colonel Shufflebottom on the Matter of Colonial Nonsense

🗓️ July 26th, 1775 — An Unsettling Postal Wind Blows

It is my solemn duty—and profound irritation—to report that Mr. Benjamin Franklin, self-styled sage and known collector of pseudonyms, has been appointed Postmaster General. The colonies, in their infinite wisdom and questionable sobriety, have seen fit to entrust the distribution of all communication to a man who once wrote as Mrs. Silence Dogood, Richard Saunders, and—if memory serves—a philosophical cat named Poor Richard. One wonders whether our letters will now be delivered in rhyming couplets.

His appointment guarantees two outcomes: first, that Mr. Franklin’s own newspaper shall henceforth arrive with alacrity and flourish; and second, that rival publications will be subject to the sort of delays typically reserved for French cavalry reinforcements. In effect, we have granted him dominion over both ink and horse.

I do recall Franklin once attempting to domesticate lightning with a key on a kite—an endeavor resulting in unnatural longevity and hairline retreat. I expect, by year’s end, he will publish under the pen name Postal Platypus, and the colonies shall thank him for it.

With growing distrust and dwindling wigs,
Colonel Archibald Shufflebottom, 47th Regiment of Foot
Unpaid critic of unwelcome correspondence
#ThisDayInHistory #250Years #AmericanRevolution

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📜 By Quill & Candlelight : The Dispatches of Colonel Shufflebottom on the Matter of Colonial Nonsense

🗓️ July 24th, 1775 — Somewhere regrettably colonial

“The Virginians, in a child-like fit of economic rebellion, have resolved to cease exporting flour and wheat to His Majesty’s territories! A bold move, considering their bread resembles sawdust and their flour is more suggestion than substance.”

“Militia drills continue today with quite admirable enthusiasm and … well, frankly a catastrophic execution. I witnessed a gentleman attempt a flanking maneuver against a local farmer’s chicken coop. The poultry were most unimpressed.”

“The latest word from London suggests our remarkable Cabinet is preparing to send 2,000 additional troops to these rebellious shores. Wonderful news, through I do heartily recommend our fine red-breasted men bring umbrellas, patience, and a tolerance for questionable stew”

Steadfastly unimpressed,
Colonel Archibald Shufflebottom, 47th Regiment of Foot
Defender of Empire, Critic of Colonial Cookery & Coordination
#ThisDayInHistory #250Years #AmericanRevolution #comedy #snobbery

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