đź“ś By Quill & Candlelight: The Dispatches of Colonel Shufflebottom on the Matter of Colonial Nonsense
🗓️ August 1st, 1775 — Virginia, regrettably biscuitless
Today, the Virginia Convention has resolved to boycott trade with Britain. Flour, wheat, tobacco—all withheld in a fit of economic rebellion. I daresay, if one must wage war, doing so with empty pantries and moral superiority is a uniquely colonial approach.
The town criers claim with all bluster and volume that this embargo is a stand for liberty?! I suspect it’s a clever excuse to avoid paying debts and to justify the consumption of the dullest of all pastries, the humble cornbread, indeed as a patriotic act. Their biscuits crumble with conviction, and if they do refuse to send biscuits, certainly there will be all out war.
Not well thought out, the plan is to grow grain, spin cloth, and become self-sufficient. Please! I’ve seen their looms. I’ve seen their sheep. I remain unconvinced, as do the sheep.
Ever encamped, occasionally enraged,
Colonel Archibald Shufflebottom, 47th Regiment of Foot
Defender of Empire, Critic of Colonial Cookery & Economic Improvisation
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