đź“ś By Quill & Candlelight : The Dispatches of Colonel Shufflebottom on the Matter of Colonial Nonsense
🗓️ July 24th, 1775 — Somewhere regrettably colonial
“The Virginians, in a child-like fit of economic rebellion, have resolved to cease exporting flour and wheat to His Majesty’s territories! A bold move, considering their bread resembles sawdust and their flour is more suggestion than substance.”
“Militia drills continue today with quite admirable enthusiasm and … well, frankly a catastrophic execution. I witnessed a gentleman attempt a flanking maneuver against a local farmer’s chicken coop. The poultry were most unimpressed.”
“The latest word from London suggests our remarkable Cabinet is preparing to send 2,000 additional troops to these rebellious shores. Wonderful news, through I do heartily recommend our fine red-breasted men bring umbrellas, patience, and a tolerance for questionable stew”
Steadfastly unimpressed,
Colonel Archibald Shufflebottom, 47th Regiment of Foot
Defender of Empire, Critic of Colonial Cookery & Coordination
#ThisDayInHistory #250Years #AmericanRevolution #comedy #snobbery