đ By Quill & Candlelight: The Dispatches of Colonel Shufflebottom on the Matter of Colonial Nonsense
đď¸ September 9th, 1775 â Philadelphia, regrettably self-important
Today, the Continental Congressâhaving exhausted its supply of petitions, proclamations, and powdered ambitionâhas recommended that each colony form its own independent government. I daresay, they now fancy themselves sovereign. I expect a flag made of turnips.
The delegates speak of liberty, representation, and “the will of the people”âa phrase which, in practice, appears to mean âwhatever the loudest man in the tavern just shouted.â They now draft constitutions with quills, candles, and the sort of confidence usually reserved for amateur dramatists and overambitious pastry chefs.
I overheard one gentleman propose a bicameral legislature, though he pronounced it “bicarbonate” and may have been discussing indigestion. Another suggested a seal featuring a beaver, a musket, and a sunrise. I suspect the beaver was symbolic. I hope the musket was not loaded.
Ever encamped, occasionally enraged,
Colonel Archibald Shufflebottom, 47th Regiment of Foot
Defender of Empire, Critic of Colonial Governance & Vegetable Heraldry
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